Improv 2...I will Conquer You

I had my first Improv 2 class last night...finally. Though I've been so stressed and distracted lately I definitely felt WAY too much in my head during the class. I'm beating myself up about it now and trying to find the lessons in my mistakes and then let go my frustrations before my next class. I love improv and I can't wait to get more comfortable with it.

Odd October

October was a surprise. I had liked Nick for a while but was having a hard time getting to find time to talk to him (though I tried...hard). I found him to be cute and funny and all I wanted was to get to know him better. Our first date was so random and spontaneous and I'm happy it happened that way.

I feel like we're a bit on fast forward and now we're trying to slow things down to a more realistic pace. He's such a fantastic addition to my life and I just need to learn how to balance and appreciate when we get together and not worry so much about the times we can't be together. For two comedians, we sure do have a lot of serious stuff we talk about. I'm looking forward to relaxing and just seeing how things play out. I already like him a hell of a lot and I can't wait to see where things go.

September Seems Fleeting

September was a blur. A blur of me applying for jobs I didn't want and then waiting to hear if I would be reinstated. It was weeks of what ifs and this could be if this and this and this happens. It seemed damn near impossible but I got my job back. I was happy to go back to the PDC. I was happy to get to work with Jenn. I was happy to have this weird alternative job that speaks to my strengths and lets me get to work in new media. But it also meant putting my plans for moving to Sac (or possibly LA) on hold. And now I'm in limbo.

August Rush

How is it that I have neglected this blog for so long that I've skipped over some of the most amazing adventures I've had thus far. It's funny that my last post was about the small steps of independence I made by just the gesture of sitting at a restaurant waiting for my mother. Shortly after (3 weeks to be exact) I was fresh off of being laid off and decided to take a chance on an opportunity.

I went to LA for two weeks and took the Improv 101 class at UCB. I had toyed with the idea of doing improv for the last year and a half but was too scared to even try it here in Sac. It took me a year of seeing ACL shows to start going to the open classes and all I wanted was to get better and better. I think the turning point was taking Joel Spence's class. I was WAY out of my league and so frustrated with myself. After the class I broke down and realized that I wanted it more than I was even aware of myself. I knew then that I wanted to get serious and try and get to be the best I could and I needed to do the intensive class in order to get myself ready to take Improv 2 at SCS.

It was two weeks filled with so many new things for me. Driving down the long trip by myself was exhilarating. I felt like I sat on the edge of excitement/fear/anticipation the entire time I was there. I got to wake up, go to class, see shows every night. I made friends that I hope to last me a lifetime, learn things that will help me in this journey of comedy that I want more than anything.

I took the negative parts of losing my job and saw an opportunity to do something for myself that I've always wanted but didn't think was possible. I have no doubt that going was the best decision I've ever made for myself and I can't wait to go back and take 201. I fell in love with that life and with LA.

Miss Independent

I've never been good at doing things by myself. Just the thought of going to the movies or eating a restaurant alone was enough to make me panic. In the last few months I have been able to branch out a bit. I tend to go to Saturday comedy shows alone but since I know pretty much everyone there, it's hard to really consider that to be a solo venture. But here I sit by myself, waiting for my mom to arrive for breakfast. It has only be about 20 minutes and she'll be here any second, but in the mean time I'm doing okay. And that is a new and exciting feeling, even if it's not much.

More Than This

I feel conflicted in how I wish to deal with you and your behavior. Part of me wants to confront you and let you know that you have hurt me and I don't deserve it, the other part of me doesn't wish to give you the satisfaction of knowing you got to me. I have so much other stuff going on right now, I don't even want to deal with this at all. I guess life doesn't care what you have time for.

London Calling

So we were in London from May 6-May 12th, so I'm combining them all into one post (excluding Paris)

5/6
We leave Liverpool, sad to have not gotten more time there, and head off to London (FINALLY). I was happy to be taking my last train ride. The journey isn't bad, but the carrying of a 50 lb. bag, a carry-on bag that's about 25 lb and a purse was really freaking stupid of me and driving me crazy at this point. We got to London late afternoon but we were so tired from the travel that the first night we pretty much just stayed in. We had dinner at the very nice (and expensive) restaurant in the hotel and then turned in early.

5/7
We headed off to try and catch the changing of the guard at the palace. We were told to go around 10 and we thought that would be fine because we had made appointments for massages, but not until 12. So we go there and wait and wait and find out it doesn't start until then, so we saw the first few minutes and then had to run off. Oh well, the palace was beautiful and I almost saw one of the guards slip, which was pretty funny. I got a hot stone massage which was amazing and I must get another soon. We then went to Baker street to see Sherlock Holme's place, check out a rock & roll memorabilia store and had some authentic London food. We also did the double-decker bus tour around London, which was a cool way to see everything around the city. That night we headed over to see Les Miserables and it was so great. It was beautifully acted and the set was fucking awesome! Seriously impressed. It was also really sad but I think I was the only one crying during it. It had that stereotypical the-English-don't-cry feel to it. But I loved it and was depressed at the same time lol.

5/8
PARIS...see other post!

5/9
I was still kind of sick from Friday, so today was super low key. I slept in while my dad ran around looking for alcoholic presents for our friends/family. We saw Wicked around the corner from my hotel that afternoon and it was probably the most amazing theater experience I've had. It was Elphaba's last day of performances and Kerry Ellis is extremely gifted. I feel lucky to have seen her. She was the first Brit to play Elphaba there (Idina Menzel went over there to do it first) and she had performed on Broadway in NY for awhile then came back to do a run of shows in London and I'm so happy I got to see her. I don't think I've ever cried so much during a show. Every song made me cry, loved it. I could've seen it again 2 hours later. Afterwards, we just went back to the hotel and I watched Britain's Got Talent and went to bed early in attempt to get better!

5/10
Sunday we decided to do some shopping. I still had a lot of people left to shop for so we headed out after a late breakfast. First, I wanted to buy something at this store, Evans, which was really cool. I found a lot of cute stuff and really digged the style there. We then headed to the original Hard Rock. We had lunch first, and I have to say our "American meal" was probably the worst of the trip. But our waiter was actually originally from Sacramento and was a delight, loved him! We then did the Hard Rock tour and bought some gifts there. The rest of the day we just did some more shopping and headed back to the hotel. Nothing terribly interesting.

5/11
This was our last day so we had a lot to cover. We headed to St. Paul's Cathedral, which was beautiful and i'm still irked I wasn't allowed to take any pictures. The only weird thing was when I went into the catacombs I started having panic attacks and I couldn't figure out why. Maybe I was having a blonde moment or something, but it seriously took a good 10 minutes for me to realize I was walking over fucking graves. No wonder I was feeling dizzy, heart racing, a little shaky. I'm super sensitive to spirits, which I'm sure people find ridiculous, but it's true. I have a hard time going past graves, hospitals, old folks homes, anywhere people have died or are buried. I can sense it and it freaks me out. So we high tailed it out there and went over to a whisky shop. It's a whisky we had in Edinburgh and thought we could get anywhere, but apparently it's not that easy. So we had to search online for London distributors and headed over to pick up a couple bottles. So yummy, it's Columbia Cream, which is cream, honey and scotch. Love it. We then headed over to a part of London that's a little more punk. It was awesome. I wish we would have had more time to spend there and shop. They have this huge flea market section and I bought some cute clothes for some friends and then we headed over to get our tattoos.

I love tats and my dad was actually going to get one, which was a big deal. But he wanted me to get the same because it was very symbolic to him. We're both oxes in Chinese astrology and he wanted the Chinese symbol for the ox because this trip really fell in line with the start of the 'year of the ox'. I never wanted a chinese symbol tattoo but I was willing to do it for my dad because he gave me this trip and it was my gift back to him. Apparently my body didn't agree because it rejected the ink! I actually have to get it touched up in a couple places and the healing was awful.

Later that night we headed over to see Spring Awakening. Fantastic! I can't wait to see it again.

The next day we left and had to spend hours at the airport, in customs, etc. And then there was the 11 hour flight back. But all in all, I was happy to be home but happier to have had such a fantastic experience. I can't wait to go back.

J'ai Deux Amours

Paris! I actually went to Paris! I've wanted to go since I was very young, it came on from my love of Madeline and Edith Piaf. I've had Eiffel Tower keepsakes, loved my French CDs, French movies, etc. I didn't know Paris was on the itinerary until about a month before we went. My dad planned it as a surprise for me.

The day we were to leave though I got sick, so that was a bummer, but I wouldn't let that stop my fun! We took the Chunnel, which is this underground train that goes under the English Channel. Which was much scarier in theory than it actually was. The train was lovely and the service perfect. They served delicious coffee with french bread and it was a great journey.

We get to the station in Paris and I'm already overwhelmed by the fact that I really should've attempted to learn more French. After being accosted by Bosnian girls who wanted money and paying $2 to pee (!), we taxied over to Notre Dame. Our time was very limited, we had only about 8 hours total in Paris so we taxied everywhere and didn't get to go inside any monuments. Notre Dame was gorgeous and VERY busy unfortunately. We then spent the next hour trying to find a place that was serving lunch but ended up having to wait until 12. Luckily, my pitiful knowledge of French came in handy. And I would just like to point out that the French were VERY nice to us, never rude at all. We were offered help many times and thankful for it.

We walked for awhile and then taxied the rest of the way to L'Arc de Triumphe which was beautiful. We found a great restaurant to have lunch and watched as way too many tourists passed us. It was a little annoying that there were so many people there I have to say. After we went to L'Eiffel Tower and it was beyond what I expected in person. It was huge and beautiful and it was great just to be there. There are four entrances to go up the tower and each must have had 100+ people waiting to go inside so we had to skip going up. But we got some souveniers and then sat in the park looking at it for awhile.

The only other thing I wanted to do in Paris was shop! I wanted to go to Chanel & Christian Louboutin and get some yummy treats too! I stupidly didn't like write down addresses of these places before I got there, I blame my illness that day. So anyway, we're looking in our info books and see a lot of high-end shopping happens around a statue of Madeleine so we decided to try over there. I must say as well, that Paris is fucking gorgeous. London & Edinburgh has great architecture too, but Paris trumped them. I would need a week just to enjoy the sights properly. Anyway, we are a block from Madeleine and I see Chanel, so of course I shout, "STOP THE CAR, I SEE CHANEL!" because I'm a dork lol.

So I get out and literally run across the street to the Chanel store. We go in and I'm looking for my purse. It's a purse that I've wanted for over 3 years that I fell in love with and I couldn't wait to see in person. So I'm scouring the store and can't find it. There's one that's close but it has these gold chunky handles, and it's not my style at all. I love Chanel, but some of their stuff is way too gaudy for my taste. So I'm about to give up and I decide to ask a sales lady there if there's anything that's not out on display. And first she says "no, that's everything" but then says, "well what is it that you're looking for?". So I describe the purse and she tells me to hold on and then pulls out a card key from her pocket and opens up this mirrored wall (seriously) and goes inside and then back out with a box and pulls out MY PURSE! I don't think I could explain my elation by just seeing it in person lol. I then go to it and start looking it over and notice the price tag and my heart drops. It's about twice as much as I was expecting and really can't afford to get it. My dad asks how much and I tell him that it's okay, at least I got to see it. And he tells me no, he's getting it for me. Now I didn't even know he was going to do this, I expected to buy it myself. It was so sweet of him and I get even begin to explain how happy I was when he told me that he was going to get me this purse. I know it probably sounds stupid or frivalous, but I love purses and this is my dream purse. It be like a sports fan wanting a signed Joe Montana jersey. Or some other good analogy there.
(Le purse!)

We had asked the nice Chanel people were Louboutin was and we just happened to be around the corner from the original store. So we went over and I spent the next 2 hours trying on shoes, which does wonders for your mood I must say. I settled on a pair of both hot & practical black open-toed shoes which I purchased myself and is now the most expensive item I have ever bought! But I love them and their unusually comfortable & easy to walk in. We then headed back to Madeleine square and went to Fauchon which is this store that has everything from wine, to meets, cheeses, fresh bread and cookies & pastries. We bought wine, some sourdough bread, cookies for coffee & eclairs for later. I wish they shipped in the US it was so yummy.

After that we sat outside and had some coffee and watched people walk by. It was a great end to our whirl-wind trip but I got to see/do/get everything I wanted and was content in leaving. Of course I'd love to really get to see everything someday, but I was satisfied and know that next time I go I'll need 4 times the amount of money I think I'll need cause it's so freaking expensive there. But we left for London soon thereafter and it really was a fantastic day. I can't wait to go back and see everything at night!

One is the Lonliest Number...

We're in Liverpool for just one day and I'm kind of bummed about that. Liverpool has been fantastic, starting with the room. It's enormous, and even has a large piano in it! If only it was in tune so I could play the couple of things I know lol. There's also a large bathtub that I enjoyed taking a bath in. It's such a contrast from the hotel in Glasgow (Crapcow I like to say).

We left Glasgow as early as possible today and took our train to Liverpool. Which after a quick change, wasn't too difficult. It's a little overcast here, but I'm still loving the weather. After dropping off our luggage we headed out. I saw that we happen to be here the week of the 'Liverpool Comedy Festival' which is fantastic timing! Here I thought I'd have 2 weeks without any comedy and was very sad. There were a few options, one being this comic that was not only cute but had some good reviews posted, a girl comic which I was interested in checking out, and then a local stand-up competition for amateurs which seemed fun too.

We first walked over to see if there were still tix for the cute guy, obvs that was my first choice lol. Unfortunately he canceled his show (lame), so we walked down to where all the Beatles stuff would be. It was fun just walking through Liverpool, everyone was friendly and the stores were cool. We got to the street where the Cavern Bar is and decided we had to eat something since we (mostly my dad) were cranky and he told me to, "just pick something". And I randomly (I swear) picked a French restaurant, Cafe Pierre. It was amazing. The best food we had the whole trip and everything inside was styled like you were in France and Edith Piaf was playing, I was in heaven. We had a 3-course meal and even though it's all we ate all day, it's all we needed to eat. Ridiculously awesome.

We then checked out all the Beatles stuff. We spent way too much money on merchandise and pictures of everything. It's a small area but had a great vibe. There were also street performers around and they were so good I could have sat and listened for hours. But alas, we kept walking over to wear the stand-up competition was going to be held and decided to get tickets. We went back to the hotel to relax until the show.

It was at a club called, The Rawhide, and it's this underground club and was a pretty cool space. The bartenders had no idea how to make a lemon drop though which was disappointing. The competition was fun, I think there were 8 comics (maybe more?). The girl I liked best didn't win, but the girl who won was cool. There was another woman who was terrible and talked about her mom and masturbation. No I'm serious.

Of course we get picked on by the host, which was actually fine. He mostly talked to my dad. But he was funny (and cute) and we had a great time. Afterwards we passed a karaoke club and decided to stop in and I got to sing the last song of the night before we headed back to the hotel room. All in all, I loved Liverpool and I'd love to go back. Great nightlife, and it was only Tuesday!

Then Again Maybe Not

Part of the reason my dad wanted to come to Scotland was to go visit 3 distilleries on the Island of Islay. So we left Edinburgh for Glasgow in order to fly from the smallest airport I have ever seen. We got there and had to follow a series of hallways down to this small room where the gate was. So we go to board the plane and the thing is small. I'm talking 2 seats on one side and 1 seat on the other. As if I wasn't scared enough of flying already, now I'm in this tiny plane that looks like it could blow away in the wind. Then they tell us that the weather has made us unable to fly out. Since we've got to Scotland, the weather has been great. Sunny, very little clouds and just sprinklings of rain. But today it was grey skies and gloomy weather all around. And I gather it was even worse on Islay so they delayed us for about 20 minutes. After that, they said the weather had gotten worse and to exit the plane and they'd have more information around 11am.

Around 9:30 we saw on the board that the more information time had moved to 1:40. Well, we only intended on staying on Islay from about 10am to 6pm so at this time, there wasn't really any point to try and fly out. More info at 1:40 means that we wouldn't even begin boarding at the earliest till then. That would put us onto Islay at 3:30 at the earliest. So we sadly left and came back to the hotel. Glasgow has definitely been a bust.

However, we did book 2 more plays to see in London, Les Mis & Spring Awakening. I can't wait for that! Some good news after a bleak couple of days.

...I Need You So Much Closer...

Dear Glasgow,

Please stop sucking.

Love,

Micaela

***

Perhaps I'm being unfair to Glasgow, but after two days in Edinburgh I've really found Glasgow to be a disappointment. Edinburgh had history and beautiful buildings and delicious food and wonderful shopping. Glasgow is, in my opinion, the Fresno of Scotland. Bleh. I'm glad we'll be in Islay drinking tomorrow and then off to Liverpool after that. I think walking 3 miles down Slauchiehall St. has burned me out on this town super fast. I did enjoy seeing the Dali painting at the museum though.

Today we got here by train and then walked far down the street looking for a place to eat after checking out the museum. Apparently nothing is open on Sundays so we took a taxi to the restaurant we were going to have dinner at that was recommended to me and opted to have lunch instead. It was called Butterfly and Pig and was very adorable. Total hole in the wall with mismatched plates and cups and really good food. According to our cabbie, Snow Patrol went there a month ago. So I'm officially as hip as Snow Patrol. How exciting.

For dinner I saw a restaurant called The Goat, so of COURSE I wanted to go there. Best name ever. It was a cute cafe/bar and had good food. I tried Haggis as I promised I would. Though I had the Haggis stuffed portobello with goat cheese, not exactly traditional. It was....well it was. And I tried it and that's what mattered lol. The chips and cappacinnos were awesome, so high point! we left shortly before some bands described as 'folk/pop/psychadelic' started. I think that may have been the best choice lol.

But let's back up and end on a happy note. I got here in one piece (yay!) and even though the thought having to take a plane for another 10+ hour stretch in 10 days seems impossible, it could have been worse I suppose. I'm not a good flyer, and tomorrow will be taking a plane twice in one day in order to visit 3 whisky distilleries. I am not looking forward to this, but it is my penance to pay in order to get my day in Paris Friday. I shall endure.

Now Edinburgh, so fantastic! I fell in love with the whole ambiance and style of everyone and the beauty of the buildings and great mix of small shops and high-end restaurants. My kind of place. I bought some beautiful cashmere scarves, tasted 5 kinds of whisky in a day, had the most adorable waiter named Hamish (means adorable in Scottish, or James, I forget which) and toured a real castle!

Edinburgh Castle was gorgeous and definitely worth the ridiculous hike up stairs/a steep hill that I'm surprised I didn't die after. But damn Edinburgh spoiled me so and I'm now bored on a Sunday night in Glasgow.

Well, not to worry, my journey is only starting and I'm sure this is the last of me being bored! Much love.

What Wasted Unconditional Love

Different country, same boy. Will I ever learn? It's as if I thought an accent would make someone a better person. He's just like every guy I've tried to give my heart too, only I was foolish to think this would ever turn out to be a good idea. I am officially an idiot.

...If It Kills Me

I understand the concept that life is just a series of choices that we all make and then have to live with. But I'm having a hard time stopping myself from being regretful of these choices. Massive guilt is not fun and I feel like I've had a lot of it lately.

Wishin' and Hopin'

I finally downloaded an app from the android market so I could blog from my phone! Now I can blog from bed! So there's some new crush material in my life which is fun and makes me giddy. I just need to make sure I have a handle on the whole perspective and practicality of the whole situation

A Girl Could Get Lost

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

The second of my resolutions for this year is to travel as often and as far as I can. I want to get myself out of the comfortable zone of my hometown (and by extension, Sacramento) and really see what there is out there to be worth finding.

Since I was a little girl I've always wanted to travel to Europe. Spain, England, Ireland, France, Scotland, Italy. I find these places beckoning to me and I want to answer their call. I'd also love to travel to New York, Boston, Chicago and back to D.C. at some point. It all seems lofty now, but I figure if I am determined enough I can make sure it happens.

I'm a follower of Jason Mraz's blog and before new years he wrote of how you should put out into the universe what you want for the upcoming year. He suggests that if you want to travel then you should be traveling when the new year begins. I decided that in effort to show the universe just how serious I was, I did just that. Although I didn't travel somewhere new, I made sure we were already on our way when the clock struck 12. It was a wonderful feeling and I felt like this year is going to bring great things to me, if I only open myself up to them.

So here's to new adventures, I hope you come with me for one of them.

Knows This for Sure...

"Most human beings are inescapably alone, and therein lies their tragedy."

I've never been one for relationships. I would say I'm pretty closely guarded when it comes to falling in love with someone or even opening myself up to the possibility. Which is probably strange when thinking of how I am with friends. I love my friends, all of them. I meet someone and make a connection and almost instantly make a little place for them in my heart. Time can pass without seeing one another and it won't matter; I'll still have that space that comes alive when I'm with them. Maybe I am so easy to love my friends to balance my aversion to any sort of romantic love.

I think this aspect of my personality can get me into trouble though. People mistake my friendship love for something more. This coupled with my affectionate behavior and fondness for flirting can make things even more misconstrued. But the truth is that I don't let people get that close because I don't want to be hurt. Don't get me wrong, I get crushes all the time and sometimes I realize that they are more of a friend then someone I would want to love. I've only loved, or at least come close to loving, two people and they both had a lot of similarities. I am determined not to have the same kind of love again. I don't want it and I don't need it.

My father has been a bachelor since my parents divorced 13+ years ago and I don't think that will ever change. He is content in his independence. My mother is quite possibly the exact polar opposite. She has been married 4 times and I'm sure will marry again. She is unhappily codependent.

This mix of mother and father has left me quite fucked up, frankly. I see how hard breakups affect my mother. I hate that she seeks validation from men and gives them way too much power over her. Not feeling worthy, beautiful, smart, interesting, whatever...unless it's seen in the reflection of someone else. I hate that sometimes I get that way when I like a guy. I hate that I become a warped version of myself in order to make someone like "me". But it isn't me, is it? It's this distorted version of me that I want to pass off as something worth wanting.

This may be the worst part of the year to be single and it makes me melancholy when I focus too much on it, so I try and remember why I like being single. I like my independence and I like that I don't have to have the same stupid fight over and over again or feel like I need to see/hear/touch someone in order to keep me sane. All I need is me right now, and that's okay.

Revolutionary Road

I just finished reading Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates. It was heart-breakingly beautiful. I think it's kind of messed my mind up and put me in a melancholy state; but I still highly recommend it.

I wanted to read it before the movie comes out in a couple weeks and I'm glad I did. I always feel like books are the superior counterpart in any book vs. film debate. How can you ever compare a constructed visual with your own imagination? And I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to commit myself to an even sadder version of this story if I saw the movie first.

Yates is amazing in how he describes only what is necessary for the scene without giving you the obvious. I loved it and I can't wait until the movie comes out. I think both Kate & Leo will be brilliant.