Monday, December 29, 2008

Peter Gabriel is Mind Controlling Me

....or at least is song is. I've been listening to a cover of "In Your Eyes" the past few days and yesterday I took them literally. I was feeling awfully claustrophobic and so I listened to wise Peter and got in my car. While in said car, I listened to the song and felt this odd feeling that I had been spoken to by his words. I also realized that I'm terrible at running away, I just ended up going to Sac.

love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade,
so soon will burn
without a noise,
without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes the light the heat
in your eyes I am complete
in your eyes I see the doorway
to a thousand churches
in your eyes the resolution
of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes I see the light
and the heat in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light the heat
I see in your eyes love,
I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted
and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working
so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you
to keep me awake and alive
and all my instincts,
they return and the grand facade,
so soon will burn without a noise,
without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes the light the heat
in your eyes I am complete
in your eyes I see the doorway
to a thousand churches
in your eyes the resolution
of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes I see the light
and the heat in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes in your eyes

Early Resolutions

I have been thinking about New Years resolutions for awhile now, probably over a month. I have about three and I really want to get serious about them. In a few months I will be 24 and I don't think I can justify putting off personal responsibility any longer.

The first goal that my sister and I have resolute-d is to get healthier. She is much closer to this goal than I am...much. But I will work my ass off to catch up to her. This is probably 95% of everyone's New Years Resolution so forgive my unoriginality. We decided to start today and get a head start into the New Year. I'm definitely thankful that I'm not trying to do this alone, it helps to have a partner.

We woke up around 7:30 and did 30-minutes of (not beginner) yoga and then a 30-minute walk around my neighborhood to a park that's practically across the street. Although I feel a bit exerted...or a lot exerted...I also feel really pleased that I did what I said I'd do.

Yes I know it was one day of activity but I would rather look at it as 1 less day of inactivity and that is progress, however slow. I'm definitely learning to accept that I'm a work in progress which is a hard lesson to accept.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Passing Time

I haven't done one productive thing today. Not one. But I did have a 2 hour lunch and I'm now blogging. And after all this, how is it that I'm absolutely exhausted?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

So Cold...Can't Go On

The heater is broken all over campus today so I am being forced to work in ridiculously cold conditions. I can't feel my fingers.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Two Can Keep a Secret If One of Them is Dead

I got exciting news and I've been put under lock and key for about a week now. All I can say that it sucks. I am awful at keeping exciting news to myself and I've wanted to tell people, really I have. I can't wait until I can discuss it freely, until then I will keep my mouth shut.

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

[CHORUS]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My Christmas Buys

I have just begun getting Christmas gifts for friends. I love giving presents to other people, seriously I do. I get a lot of joy from finding something that they'll love and seeing a happy reaction to something I carefully chose for them is very rewarding.

However, I also love giving myself stuff. I have already bought myself 2 eye shadows & eye shadow brush set from MAC & a smudge pot in black from Sephora totaling over $100. I have pretty much spent almost as much (if not more) on myself as on my friends. I'm worried how this will end up. I hope for all of your's sake that I buy your gifts before I run out of money buying stuff for myself. No promises!

Oh If You Seek Amy

I did a handwriting analysis for funsies and I am shocked...SHOCKED...at how accurate it is. So here for your reading pleasure are my results. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post such dangerous information but decided maybe it can be some excellent insight for you about myself. Enjoy!


Welcome Micaela Smith, here is your handwriting analysis.


Micaela is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Micaela will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Micaela an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Micaela is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Micaela is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Micaela doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

When Micaela expresses an opinion on a issue she will stick to that opinion, and probably will not change her mind.
In other words... Micaela is stubborn. When she is wrong about something that she has decided upon, she will have trouble admitting she is wrong. Changing Micaela's mind can be very difficult. Once Micaela makes up her mind, she doesn't want to be confused with the facts!

Micaela is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

According to the inputted data, Micaela has a stinger shape inside the oval of her a, d, or c. This might be hard to visualize, but if this little hooklike shape is present, then Micaela has an unresolved "issue" with strong members of the opposite gender.
An occasional appearance of this stroke could indicate a simple "loves a mental challenge" which can manifest in playful linguistic conversations and being attracted to a lover who isn't always available. However, if the stroke is severe, this means the individual has unresolved anger at the oppostive gender - which usually started with the person's childhood relationship with the opposite gender parent (Mom or Dad). If the writer is a woman she will be attracted to strong challenging men. If the writer is a man, he will find the woman who is "hard to get" the most attractive. In a nutshell, people with stingers in their writing tend to have challenges in their romantic relationships.


Micaela has an over-awareness of self. She often feels self-conscious. She fears ridicule, therefore she is careful not to place herself in a position to receive any ridicule. She wonders what people will think if she acts in a certain manner. When encountering a new group of people, Micaela may stay on the sidelines until she has the people categorized, or she may behave in a "positive attention getting" manner to assure people think good thoughts about her from the start.

In the sales profession, this self-consciousness is called "call reluctance". They take the word "no" as a personal criticism. Therefore, there is an internal struggle when performing this type of work. Although this person may be a great salesperson, she still feels insecurity. She will perform better if someone else is with her because the fear of ridicule from her peers is far greater than the fear of ridicule from her clients. Many times this type of person becomes a sales trainer, because when she is training, she doesn't have to put herself in a position of being told "no" as often as the salesmen do.

In reference to Micaela's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Micaela slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds.
One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Micaela can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Micaela is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Micaela basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Micaela is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Micaela has a tendency to put things off, Micaela procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Micaela will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Micaela has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

MAC Addict


I just placed a $100 order on Mac for myself and I should be ashamed! It's Christmas and I'm being selfish but I just couldn't help myself! I want this brush set and I know no one will be buying it for me so I bought it myself. I'd feel more guilty if my giddiness wasn't so overwhelming.

Shaken & Stirred

There are two sets of doors to get into my office with a small space between them that I can see from my desk. Often people will be looking for the Admissions office and walk in here for some direction. And sometimes people will peer into my office and see it's a computer lab set up and realize they are in the wrong place without bothering/interrupting/inconveniencing...err asking me where they should be. This is such a common occurrence that I don't think much of it.

However, I am almost convinced my ex just peered into my office and was one of the ones that didn't feel the need to ask where the Admissions office or wherever may be. Now I can't be sure...it happened so fast I could be mistaken. And I haven't seen him in over a year (!) so maybe he just looked similar? I'm thankful I have a large computer screen I can hide behind...and hide I did! I'm just a bit shaken up from it, I never thought I'd see him again.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A Mad & Faithful Telling


So I got tix to see Devotchka in Reno for January 29th yesterday and was very excited. They're interesting and I think they'll be amazing live. It's for a Thursday night but my work is so flexible I didn't even think to get the days off before buying the tix. And when given the option of getting ticket insurance for a meager $6 more I skipped it because I didn't think it would be necessary.

Then I get to work this morning and boss tells me to start working on an event for January 30th! I had planned on asking for that day off so that we could stay the night and gamble a bit. And I'd need to leave early on the 29th to get there in time for the show but now I won't be able to. I'll need to be getting things ready the 29th and I'll have to be here for the 30th. I'm really disappointed but I feel as this is a lesson in patience for me. Oh well, can't do much about it now.

Monday, December 8, 2008

I feel like I did so much this weekend it's no wonder I'm still tired. Friday I spent in Sacramento of course. Highlight...a creepy crow and the man who killed (maybe? allegedly?) the pear girl.

Saturday morning I couldn't resist heading over to Beers and seeing what books they have. Do I need a book to read? No, no I don't. I have way more than anyone can read at a time. But did I buy a book, oh yes...yes I did. I'm currently reading The Watchmen and as soon as I've finished I don't know what I want to read next. But at least I have choices. I love reading and it's not like I buy them and never read them. It's just an investment in future entertainment. As further proof of my reading addiction here is my nightstand.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Festival of Trees

Megan, her mom (my godmother) Heidi, and I went to the Festival of Trees in Lodi today! I felt a bit as if I had walked into an episode of Gilmore Girls but I had a lot of fun. It was ridiculous cold though. We tried some Russian tea, which is basically warm Tang and way too sweet and walked around and saw everything and did some shopping.

I'm a sucker for homemade soap and I got a few that smell amazing. There was also this button enthusiast who actually has a button lovers club and makes jewelery out of buttons. She went on and on about buttons and I politely listened. I ended up getting this button from the 1920's that was made into a ring. I'm a sucker for the style of that period and the ring is very unique.

We also made our own dip candles which was fun! I worked really hard at dipping it so that it was perfect but when the lady mounted my candle (that's what she said) onto the wood she kind effed it up. Oh well. We then decorated it with pine cones, fake berries, etc. with surprisingly strong Elmer's glue. I like how mine turned out, even if it's a bit crooked.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Gingerbread Architecture

Today I was supposed to go to a hockey game but it didn't work out so Megan came over and we went out. During dinner we decided it would be fun to watch Elf and make a gingerbread house.

So we headed over to Cost Plus and let me tell you, I love that store. I think we spent close to an hour wandering around in there. But we found lots of things we would want for Christmas and I found the perfect reading chair. I've wanted a reading chair for my room for probably two years now. I like reading in my room but reading in bed messes up my sleep patterns and doesn't help my insomnia. I'm thinking if I had a comfy chair to read in that would be great. It's only $300! Ya, I don't think I'll be getting it this Christmas but whatever.

So we got back to my house and watched Elf (I forgot how much I like this movie) and constructed a cute gingerbread house. And what it lacks in finesse we made up for with love! However, I ended up with frosting everywhere...on my arms, on my phone and on my forehead. Really not sure how that happened.

But look how great it turned out! It's too cute to eat so it will be the start of my Christmas decorations. I can't wait to get a tree!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Daydreamer

You know what I love about this time of year? I love how it's cold and I get to wear heavy jackets, scarves, knit hats, gloves...the possibilities are endless. I love that it rains and the air gets thick with fog. I love hot chocolate with marshmallows and driving up to the snow. I love Christmas music and Christmas socks. I love getting to spend time with my friends and family and I REALLY love that I'll have two weeks off this year. I definitely love working at a school. I haven't had a proper Christmas vacation since graduating from high school five years ago.

I look forward to making memories on some adventures soon. I rather not plan too hard but I want to go to the snow, Disneyland, LA, San Francisco and lots of time in Sacramento. It will be great.

However, I do not like the crowds of people driving their cars around me or the ridiculous amount of people in stores these days with pissy attitudes. I went to Best Buy yesterday to get Britney's CD (go get it...now. No seriously.) and I didn't even think about the fact that there would be a longer line then say a week ago. It took me over 20 minutes to wait to pay for my one item, but I tried to be positive. Although I did whine a bit, at least I'm trying to keep positive. It's the season for giving not grinching! I know that if someone was buying me a gift (and I will not stop you if that is something you'd like to do!) I know that I would want the experience while obtaining said gift to be good. I don't want a bad-karma gift. So please do your part and enjoy shopping. Giving shouldn't be an obligation...ever.