SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. never figuring myself out
2. that i'm going to push people away because i'm scared
3. anything that could be described as 'creepy' or 'crawly' (spiders, rats, snakes, bugs)
4. people i love dying
5. never learning how to be happy
6. being by myself
7. that i'm not as good of a person as I should be
SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR ROOM
1. my kitty cat Zoey
2. my eeyore
3. my crazy comfy bed
4. my accessories & clothes
5. all my dvds/cds
6. All the important letters i should take care of but ignore
7. My books
SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU
1. I put more make up on when i feel bad
2. I lie a lot (mostly to myself)
3. I don't try because I assume I'll fail
4. I regret a lot of things I've done
5. When I'm really upset I'll cut or dye my hair
6. I dance and sing A LOT when I'm home alone
7. I rather stay home and read a good book than go out
SEVEN THINGS YOU WISH TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. Get something from Tiffany's
2. Get my 'dream job' once I figure out what that is
3. Take a trip to Europe
4. Find someone who loves me unconditionally
5. Love myself
6. Bungee jump
7. Kiss Tony Lucca/Ryan Gosling/Patrick Dempsey/John Krasinski
SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO
1. I can listen
2. I can make people laugh
3. I can give good massages
4. I can cook
5. I can sing pretty well
6. I can put on make up
7. I can give good hugs
SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T DO
1. I can't do a cart wheel
2. I can't not speak my mind
3. I can't remember everything
4. I can't figure out my future
5. I can't stay patient
6. I can't tell someone I like them (thanks, Annie lol...)
7. I can't do my hair
SEVEN THINGS ON SOMEONE THAT CATCH YOUR ATTENTION
1. Eyes
2. Laugh
3. Shoulders
4. Smile
5. Accessories
6. Shoes
7. Walk
SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST
1. OMG
2. Shut Up
3. Fuck
4. Hmmph
5. I know, right!?
6. Seriously
7. Ridiculously
SEVEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES
1. Tony Lucca
2. John Krasinski
3. Ryan Gosling
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Milo Ventimiglia
6. Josh Holloway
7. Katherine Hiegl
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Reject a woman and she will never let it go...
...One of the many defects of their kind – also, weak arms." Dwight K. Schrute
Yea, I'm feeling that today. Blah...people are so disappointing. I fear that I idealize situations and fantasize such an outcome that it's unrealistic and I'm therefore usually disappointed. I guess I just expect people will react in certain ways, and it's usually never the case. Does that make me stupid or just hopeful? Sometimes I feel like there's not a difference.
Music is amazing, you know? I heard a song that I haven't heard in probably 5, maybe 6 years. I started sobbing...not crying, but sobbing. It brought back all these memories and thoughts that I suppose I've been supressing. Here I've been thinking I've overcome situations and learned and grown. Nope! I've only pushed them away and blocked them from my mind. How does that happen? How does one just completely shut a door on some painful strip of memories to only have the door pop open when you lease expect it? It was so random how I found the song and the minute it started playing, I felt hit with this wave of emotion. Does that sort of level of emotion make someone weak?
I feel out of control. I need to figure stuff out. Make plans or get a fresh start. I don't like where this is all heading. I need to learn to not repeat patterns of self-destruction. If I know someone or something is bad for me and does not make me happy, why would I chose to continue seeking their company or continue the bad habits?
The hardest things to change are the choices we continue to make over and over again. Sometimes I get tired of saying no to the things that I shouldn't want but always do. I have too many bad vices and I need to start being good to myself.
Easier said then done, right? So, my friends...help me. If you see me doing something you know I'll regret, stop me.
Yea, I'm feeling that today. Blah...people are so disappointing. I fear that I idealize situations and fantasize such an outcome that it's unrealistic and I'm therefore usually disappointed. I guess I just expect people will react in certain ways, and it's usually never the case. Does that make me stupid or just hopeful? Sometimes I feel like there's not a difference.
Music is amazing, you know? I heard a song that I haven't heard in probably 5, maybe 6 years. I started sobbing...not crying, but sobbing. It brought back all these memories and thoughts that I suppose I've been supressing. Here I've been thinking I've overcome situations and learned and grown. Nope! I've only pushed them away and blocked them from my mind. How does that happen? How does one just completely shut a door on some painful strip of memories to only have the door pop open when you lease expect it? It was so random how I found the song and the minute it started playing, I felt hit with this wave of emotion. Does that sort of level of emotion make someone weak?
I feel out of control. I need to figure stuff out. Make plans or get a fresh start. I don't like where this is all heading. I need to learn to not repeat patterns of self-destruction. If I know someone or something is bad for me and does not make me happy, why would I chose to continue seeking their company or continue the bad habits?
The hardest things to change are the choices we continue to make over and over again. Sometimes I get tired of saying no to the things that I shouldn't want but always do. I have too many bad vices and I need to start being good to myself.
Easier said then done, right? So, my friends...help me. If you see me doing something you know I'll regret, stop me.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
And One More Makes Three!
No, I'm not pregnant, in case that's what you assume after the blog title. But I did get a new tat today, and if you haven't already guessed, yes it's my third one. It didn't hurt to get this one much at all. It was the same guy who did my last one and he's super chill. It's on the left up near my shoulder in the front and we got quite intimate while he tatted me...I felt like I should have kissed him the way he was resting his hands on me lol. But I showed common sense and did not. I put a pic up in my photo album so check it out! It's from one of my fave songs and the flower is based off the front of the CD. I'm glad I got it, I just hope I can cover it up when needed at work! I was close to getting one behind my ear, maybe next time!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
I'm Like a Lawyer with the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me + You)
1. Who was the last person to call you baby?
Megan, we use terms of endearments but are not lovers lol
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Usually, I can't say I ALWAYS do.
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
No...I'm feeling very Kelly Clarkson but ya, "never again will I kiss you...never again will I want to" pfft
4. Has someone ever sang a song to you?
No...I've been promised that I would get sung to with no follow through. What's up with that?
5. Do you play Sudoku?
Yes, I went through a phase after Christmas and it got kinda dicey there for a minute so I put I put myself in Sudoku time out
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
If I stumbled into a hotel
7. What did you do today?
Went to work, ran errands for work (Bed, Bath & Beyond, PIP, Floors 2 Go, Starbucks all in 90 minutes-most fun I had all day lol), came home, opened my homework and yes it is still open...I get distracted easily.
8. Are you bored?
Yes, all I can think about is how much I want to play the 'Impossible Quiz' right now.
9. Do you like anyone?
Yes I have a crush right now, wish me luck !
10. Plans for tonight?
Um "doing homework"
11. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
I already told you, homework. Lay off man!
12. What are you doing tomorrow?
Um work again and then going to the Graduate.
13. Do you need anything?
I have everything I need...of course I want stuff
14. Are you tired?
Not really, today was a good day.
15. Who do you trust?
A couple friends and my fam
16. Whos car were you last in?
Mine, before that Joelle's I think
17. Is anything bothering you?
I'm pretty sure there's a tornado brewing. It's too hot and windy, it's a dangerous combination!
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would do?
Grab my kittie and my MAC and pants....need to remember the pants.
19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Annie...maybe this is why I'm not in a relationship, I just share my bed with females lol.
20. Who do you text the most?
Megan or Annie. I love to text.
21. Who last said they loved you?
my daddy
22. What colors are your eyes?
hazel
23. How tall are you?
5 foot 5
25. Do u like your parents?
Yep, I even love them
26. Do you secretly like someone?
Yes, I think I have a crush-officially.
27. Why did your last relationship end?
Because some people don't know when it's time to grow up and I got FED UP
28. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
Bella, my niece. LOVE HER!
29. Favorite ex?
N/A hah
30. Where was the furthest place you traveled?
Oregon or Temecula, I need to go somewhere y'all
32. Do you like mustard?
Yes
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
I'm a chubby insomniac, you figure it out.
34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
My mom I guess, I don't have a beard or glasses like my dad lol.
35. How long does it take you in the shower?
20 minutes
36. Can you do splits?
Haven't tried in awhile, I am surprisingly flexible.
37. What movie do you want to see right now?
Super Bad or Knocked Up! AH
39. What did you do for New Year's Eve?
Costume party at my friends house. It was fun, I was the only one drinking though. That was not fun.
40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Didn't have any desire to see it.
42. Do you own a camera phone?
Yes
43. Was your mom a cheerleader?
Nope
45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
r
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
7
48. Do you like care bears?
Yes I did like them, Hugs and Tugs especially
49. What do you buy at the Movies?
Movie Tix
50. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes
51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Of course
52. What do you wear to sleep?
tank top and underwear...that's kind of personal btw
53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
Tony Lucca played, TWICE
54. Is your hair straight or curly?
Wavy/Curly
55. Is your tongue pierced?
It was, alas I miss it sometimes.
56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
No...I do like my liver (still functioning despite massive vodka and aspirin intake) and onions separately.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Funny people who know when to be serious. I love to laugh so you better be funny dammit.
59. Ever been to L.A.?
Yes
60. What is on your mind right now?
How do I get past question 82 on that stupid 'Impossible Quiz'?!?
61. Any plans for tonight?
So answered this already
62. What's your favorite song at the moment?
Misery Business by Paramore
63. Do you hate chocolate?
um that's sinful to even ask, blasphemous I say!
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
We bicker, we don't fight.
65. Are you a gullible person?
Sometimes, I like to just say i'm trusting
66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
No, but it's nice to have someone to share happiness with.
67. If you could have any job what would it be?
John Krasinski's assistant, I will go the extra mile John, just call me.
68. Are you easy to get along with?
Yes for the most part. Unless you work at Kinkos.
69. What is your favorite time of day?
Night
70.Are you generally a happy person?
Yes, I think so!
Megan, we use terms of endearments but are not lovers lol
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Usually, I can't say I ALWAYS do.
3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
No...I'm feeling very Kelly Clarkson but ya, "never again will I kiss you...never again will I want to" pfft
4. Has someone ever sang a song to you?
No...I've been promised that I would get sung to with no follow through. What's up with that?
5. Do you play Sudoku?
Yes, I went through a phase after Christmas and it got kinda dicey there for a minute so I put I put myself in Sudoku time out
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
If I stumbled into a hotel
7. What did you do today?
Went to work, ran errands for work (Bed, Bath & Beyond, PIP, Floors 2 Go, Starbucks all in 90 minutes-most fun I had all day lol), came home, opened my homework and yes it is still open...I get distracted easily.
8. Are you bored?
Yes, all I can think about is how much I want to play the 'Impossible Quiz' right now.
9. Do you like anyone?
Yes I have a crush right now, wish me luck !
10. Plans for tonight?
Um "doing homework"
11. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
I already told you, homework. Lay off man!
12. What are you doing tomorrow?
Um work again and then going to the Graduate.
13. Do you need anything?
I have everything I need...of course I want stuff
14. Are you tired?
Not really, today was a good day.
15. Who do you trust?
A couple friends and my fam
16. Whos car were you last in?
Mine, before that Joelle's I think
17. Is anything bothering you?
I'm pretty sure there's a tornado brewing. It's too hot and windy, it's a dangerous combination!
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would do?
Grab my kittie and my MAC and pants....need to remember the pants.
19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Annie...maybe this is why I'm not in a relationship, I just share my bed with females lol.
20. Who do you text the most?
Megan or Annie. I love to text.
21. Who last said they loved you?
my daddy
22. What colors are your eyes?
hazel
23. How tall are you?
5 foot 5
25. Do u like your parents?
Yep, I even love them
26. Do you secretly like someone?
Yes, I think I have a crush-officially.
27. Why did your last relationship end?
Because some people don't know when it's time to grow up and I got FED UP
28. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
Bella, my niece. LOVE HER!
29. Favorite ex?
N/A hah
30. Where was the furthest place you traveled?
Oregon or Temecula, I need to go somewhere y'all
32. Do you like mustard?
Yes
33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
I'm a chubby insomniac, you figure it out.
34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
My mom I guess, I don't have a beard or glasses like my dad lol.
35. How long does it take you in the shower?
20 minutes
36. Can you do splits?
Haven't tried in awhile, I am surprisingly flexible.
37. What movie do you want to see right now?
Super Bad or Knocked Up! AH
39. What did you do for New Year's Eve?
Costume party at my friends house. It was fun, I was the only one drinking though. That was not fun.
40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Didn't have any desire to see it.
42. Do you own a camera phone?
Yes
43. Was your mom a cheerleader?
Nope
45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
r
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
7
48. Do you like care bears?
Yes I did like them, Hugs and Tugs especially
49. What do you buy at the Movies?
Movie Tix
50. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes
51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Of course
52. What do you wear to sleep?
tank top and underwear...that's kind of personal btw
53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
Tony Lucca played, TWICE
54. Is your hair straight or curly?
Wavy/Curly
55. Is your tongue pierced?
It was, alas I miss it sometimes.
56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
No...I do like my liver (still functioning despite massive vodka and aspirin intake) and onions separately.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Funny people who know when to be serious. I love to laugh so you better be funny dammit.
59. Ever been to L.A.?
Yes
60. What is on your mind right now?
How do I get past question 82 on that stupid 'Impossible Quiz'?!?
61. Any plans for tonight?
So answered this already
62. What's your favorite song at the moment?
Misery Business by Paramore
63. Do you hate chocolate?
um that's sinful to even ask, blasphemous I say!
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
We bicker, we don't fight.
65. Are you a gullible person?
Sometimes, I like to just say i'm trusting
66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
No, but it's nice to have someone to share happiness with.
67. If you could have any job what would it be?
John Krasinski's assistant, I will go the extra mile John, just call me.
68. Are you easy to get along with?
Yes for the most part. Unless you work at Kinkos.
69. What is your favorite time of day?
Night
70.Are you generally a happy person?
Yes, I think so!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
3 Weeks and I'm Still Sober
And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over
And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time
Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no
Wake up
Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months
Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
Le sigh. lol That's the lyrics from Kelly Clarkson's next single, "Sober". Her CD comes out today so go get it! I heard it for the first time yesterday and I got that feeling. You know that feeling? Where you hear a song and just know what they're talking about so much it kind of hurts? Yea. So mine isn't three months, just three weeks but I feel like i'm doing okay. I don't think about him everyday anymore.
We talk sometimes, but when we do he just gets mad at me and says I'm mean now, actually he says I act bitchy now. I found out 3 weeks ago that he has been dating other girls. He rationalized this by saying he never made a committment to me so it shouldn't bother me. Technicalities don't make deception right. I'm hurt, but I feel like I knew it. I knew that I should have ended things forever ago but it was easier not to.
So, I'm doing good and haven't seen him since. I talk to him because I miss him but I won't let myself see him. I know that would be a mistake. So it's getting easier. I've met a few possibilities since then. And even though I'm not pursuing the possibilities, sometimes it's just nice to know they are out there.
So my goal (and with Meg's encouragement) I'm going to break my pattern of falling for the emotionally unavailable assholes and go for a nice guy. My biggest problem as that the last nice guy I met that I thought was going to go somewhere wasn't aggressive enough to make his move. The flirtations are great but I want the next step! So I need to learn to be aggressive for myself or hope that there's a nice guy out there who's willing to make a move.
Annie says I'm boy crazy now, I think i'm just friendly.
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over
And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time
Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no
Wake up
Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months
Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
Le sigh. lol That's the lyrics from Kelly Clarkson's next single, "Sober". Her CD comes out today so go get it! I heard it for the first time yesterday and I got that feeling. You know that feeling? Where you hear a song and just know what they're talking about so much it kind of hurts? Yea. So mine isn't three months, just three weeks but I feel like i'm doing okay. I don't think about him everyday anymore.
We talk sometimes, but when we do he just gets mad at me and says I'm mean now, actually he says I act bitchy now. I found out 3 weeks ago that he has been dating other girls. He rationalized this by saying he never made a committment to me so it shouldn't bother me. Technicalities don't make deception right. I'm hurt, but I feel like I knew it. I knew that I should have ended things forever ago but it was easier not to.
So, I'm doing good and haven't seen him since. I talk to him because I miss him but I won't let myself see him. I know that would be a mistake. So it's getting easier. I've met a few possibilities since then. And even though I'm not pursuing the possibilities, sometimes it's just nice to know they are out there.
So my goal (and with Meg's encouragement) I'm going to break my pattern of falling for the emotionally unavailable assholes and go for a nice guy. My biggest problem as that the last nice guy I met that I thought was going to go somewhere wasn't aggressive enough to make his move. The flirtations are great but I want the next step! So I need to learn to be aggressive for myself or hope that there's a nice guy out there who's willing to make a move.
Annie says I'm boy crazy now, I think i'm just friendly.
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