3 Weeks and I'm Still Sober

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Le sigh. lol That's the lyrics from Kelly Clarkson's next single, "Sober". Her CD comes out today so go get it! I heard it for the first time yesterday and I got that feeling. You know that feeling? Where you hear a song and just know what they're talking about so much it kind of hurts? Yea. So mine isn't three months, just three weeks but I feel like i'm doing okay. I don't think about him everyday anymore.

We talk sometimes, but when we do he just gets mad at me and says I'm mean now, actually he says I act bitchy now. I found out 3 weeks ago that he has been dating other girls. He rationalized this by saying he never made a committment to me so it shouldn't bother me. Technicalities don't make deception right. I'm hurt, but I feel like I knew it. I knew that I should have ended things forever ago but it was easier not to.

So, I'm doing good and haven't seen him since. I talk to him because I miss him but I won't let myself see him. I know that would be a mistake. So it's getting easier. I've met a few possibilities since then. And even though I'm not pursuing the possibilities, sometimes it's just nice to know they are out there.

So my goal (and with Meg's encouragement) I'm going to break my pattern of falling for the emotionally unavailable assholes and go for a nice guy. My biggest problem as that the last nice guy I met that I thought was going to go somewhere wasn't aggressive enough to make his move. The flirtations are great but I want the next step! So I need to learn to be aggressive for myself or hope that there's a nice guy out there who's willing to make a move.

Annie says I'm boy crazy now, I think i'm just friendly.