"If I knew all the words I would write myself out of here
If I was all the colors I would paint you pretty in gold in a picture"

I'm starting to feel like life is about luck. It's not fair or reasonable. There is a myriad of events that connect in the most absurd way. I feel more lost and chaotic when I try and figure why things happen. So is denial better? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of worrying about my family and friends. Not because it's burdensome but because I feel like they don't deserve it, this bad luck of theirs. I wish I could love enough, be strong enough, be practical enough, successful enough, selfless enough for both of us. But I can merely be here to listen and give you what I have though it may not be enough or even much it all.