Domestic Dreaming

I've been feeling ridiculously domestic lately and I've been wanting to bake. Like fancy fancy stuff. I've been wanting to do specialty cookies, bars and candies for gifts for Christmas for a few years but I think I'm actually going to do it this year. I need to start practicing though so let me know if you want to be a taste tester for me!

Sunday Morning Thoughts

"Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now"

Just when I thought I knew how things work it changes. Expectations are overrated.

Seeing past what you see.
You think you know me but you don't.
It is below the surface where I come alive.
It's time to dig deeper.

Ela from Concentrate

I cannot concentrate on shit lately. I have too many thoughts and I cannot sort them out. It's driving me insane. I am supposed to have twenty fucking pages written on a script by tomorrow and I haven't even finished the concept and I have no idea what I'm going to do. But I keep procrastinating. Hate this, I just want to clear my mind.

Hey You

Have you ever met someone and realized later that you met them at the wrong time in your life? That things could be different if you had met them earlier/later/whatever. I feel like I've met someone too late. He's already in a relationship but I can't stop myself from feeling smitten. It may be the most un-gratifying feeling.

The Election

This election has been quite emotional for me. I am filled with such pride for my country today, something I definitely haven't felt in the last 8 years. To see Obama win with such an overwhelming amount, inspiring my generation to get out there and vote and winning even the majority of the popular vote. I have nothing but respect and admiration for him. I welled up watching him speak last night. I'm excited for the next four years with him as my President and I'm filled with hope for the future.

I know this means positive things for the country in terms of energy, health care, the economy and diplomacy. Seeing the photos of countries around the world celebrating last night made me truly believe that our country can return to the policies and practices that have made us an ally to the world and a respected nation. I look forward to the end of preemptive attacks for false reasons, to the end of an administration using fear tactics to scare me into giving up freedoms or rights of myself or others.

Speaking of which, it's disheartening that Proposition 8 has passed. I suppose I was naive to think that hate and discrimination is reserved for 'red states' or a generation that is not my own. But hate is taught and bred and exists everywhere still. I hope to look back on Prop 8 years from now as a stepping stone to equal rights for all; but until then I only see it as a reminder of how far we have yet to go.

Love is love and there's no way someone can put fear into my heart to feel otherwise. Here's to the future...I am hopeful for the changes that we can create. Yes we could, yes we did.

Letters from Micaela-Halloween Edition

Dear girls who think ‘slutty’ qualifies as a Halloween costume,

Yes, Halloween lets you be as openly slutty as you want and you can just pass it off as your ‘costume’. Slutty nurse, slutty flight attendant, slutty cop, etc. But let’s be honest here girls. Those of you whom are dressed as slutty versions of otherwise wholesome occupations aren’t really stretching the imagination now are you? I get it; you want guys to become instantly aroused by the sight of your partially dressed bodies. But come on ladies, there are less trashy ways of letting guys know you are easy. And with guys it’s not that difficult to get that point across. So maybe you can work on subtlety or more creative costume ideas next year.



Dear undecided voter,

Seriously? Undecided…seriously? How is this possible with the election just a few days away? Obama and McCain couldn’t be more different from each other. And if you can’t see that, maybe it’s better if you just stay home this time.

p.s.

Hey Joe (or should I say Samuel?) the ‘plumber’,
I hear you want to write a book and maybe go into politics. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you may write a book or that people may actually buy it. Yes you’ve had a great ride as a campaign prop for the Repubs but you didn’t even show up at McCain’s rally yesterday. You don’t seem to be doing a lot of plumbing these days, how do you ever expect to make over $250,000 plumbing this way?


Dear Britney Spears,

You’re doing a great job, keep up the progress!


Dear MAC Cosmetic girls who answer the phone,

Stop being bitches. Seriously. I pay way too much for your merchandise, the last thing I need is your lip. Benefit is right next to you and they are much friendlier. I’m just saying.


Dear Saturday Night Live,

I’m crushed that Amy Poehler is not returning to SNL, she was always hilarious and great on Weekend Update. Yes Seth Meyers can handle it on his own but hopefully they’ll give him another co-anchor soon. But here’s the deal, you’re now down to only two women on the show. I know it’s always been a fucked up ratio of men to women on SNL but it’s now 8-2. Come on! With Tina Fey, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Molly Shannon and Amy’s sitcom to start early next year, it’s clear that the women of SNL are dominating comedies on TV these days. Why not get moving on finding some more? There needs to be some balance.

p.s.

Please start being funnier more often. After Tuesday there won’t be any need for Tina to come back and do Palin and then what will you have?

p.p.s.

Andy Samberg you’re on notice. Start making better digital shorts. I understand not everything can be a ‘Dick in a Box’ or ‘Lazy Sunday’ but stop phoning some of these in.

p.p.p.s.

Have Britney host when her CD comes out. Even the naysayers have to admit her two times hosting were hilarious. All that MMC breeding did well for her and she’s the come back of the year. Don’t be dicks.

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangcock to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

"If I knew all the words I would write myself out of here
If I was all the colors I would paint you pretty in gold in a picture"

I'm starting to feel like life is about luck. It's not fair or reasonable. There is a myriad of events that connect in the most absurd way. I feel more lost and chaotic when I try and figure why things happen. So is denial better? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of worrying about my family and friends. Not because it's burdensome but because I feel like they don't deserve it, this bad luck of theirs. I wish I could love enough, be strong enough, be practical enough, successful enough, selfless enough for both of us. But I can merely be here to listen and give you what I have though it may not be enough or even much it all.

0% Interest

Our friends on the front porch, well they're telling jokes and they swing swiftly towards happier times
Expending lines and finding more energy for the effort and getting distance from that front porch spotlight
But us we found peace in shadows, long enough to see the monsters rise
Candy's got some space to fill in her daydream living high on yesterday's lies
Talking to me about some 0% interest and, how she got a better deal than the next guy

And the way the lightning shocked us when we were lost and we were looking
Down that long Missouri highway your hair was longer then and now I can remember
Say now I remember oh so well

Oh the roads unencumbered by cats they're burning like wet matches through my miracle mile mind
You left your thumb print inside me now for months it seems but mine only brushes your soft surface
And somehow
Somehow it leaves me listless, my tongue curls under my lips oh oh yes
So I can't speak to tell you of the months before I met you

And the way, oh the truth it locked us
Oh right about the time after the lightning shocked us
When we were young, when we were young and missing
Round that small New England byway our lives they were sheltered then and now I can remember
Say now well I remember oh so well, almost too well

Well its not even being about that anymore I gotta get you down
Those tiny fragments of perfection they please me in a time
Unchanged when its not the same beginning or along awaited end...
If I knew all the words I would write myself out of here
If I was all the colors I would paint you pretty in gold in a picture, so I'm told little sister
So now I'm sold little sister
Why don't you tell me about the sunsets in Sweden and the laws of Eden
And how you were the rock of Gibraltar, and how they called you foxy

Well that's another whole box of pandora's, that's another whole box of them ties
Slide your foot off the gas before we crash right back into the median
Right back into the median, the median lo-oh
It separates, our house from the middle of the street...
It separates our house from the middle of the street

Talking about our house

Is on the front porch telling jokes and they swing swiftly towards happier times
Expending lines and finding more energy for the effort and getting distance from that front porch
Spotlight
But us we found peace in shadows long enough to see a monster die.
We all need to find a little space in our daydreams long enough and just so long.
Long enough, just as long, just so long as its long enough is it long enough?
Is it long enough for me? Long enough for me to chew on.
If it isn't... if it isn't .. if it ain't if it don't if it can't then it wont.
And that's just the way that it goes.

If All is Grounded You Should Go Make a Mountain Out of It

I saw a psychic on Saturday. She was good. I was skeptical but she said too much, knew too much. She wasn't right about a couple things, but what she knew was just eerie. She told me that my heart was empty. Which although true made me sad and how pointedly she said it. And then she started discussing a man from my past and how I started talking to him again. I thought she was talking about Dan and I told her that even though we go through the whole talking, not talking thing, I hadn't spoke to him in over a month. She gave me this skeptical look and said, "Are you sure you haven't been texting him?" and I said no, but she didn't believe me. So she told me if he called me in the next two days to not answer, not see him. At least for the next two days. She said he was going to contact me and try and come back again in my life. So I said okay, not really thinking it was true.

She also said there's been a separation from a female friend. To which I told her that there hasn't been any falling out. She said, "that doesn't mean you're not growing apart or that your relationship is not what it used to be". Which makes me sad because I feel like that's true. I don't want to grow apart. She also asked me why I didn't move or apply for a job that I wanted. I knew exactly what she meant. There was this job in LA working as an assistant for a designer or something, I forget all the details now. But I thought about applying. I looked at a lot of jobs in LA for awhile before I got this job at Delta. I dreamed of moving down there and starting over and taking a big chance. But I didn't do it, I was too scared. She said I'm stuck. That I go do my job but it's not what I want to do long term and I need to take a chance. Blah, I hypervenilate a bit when I think about it. I wish I was braver. She knew a few other things too, it was an incredible experience really. To have a stranger tell you what you've tried to ignore.

Oh, the best part is this, when I was driving home Andy texted me. He and I haven't seen each other in over 2 years. We always try and make plans, but never see each other. We go through phases where we IM and text and then nothing for awhile and repeat this pattern. We've been talking the past month again. Anyway, he texted me and wanted to know if I wanted to have coffee the next day. I said yes and couldn't believe we were finally going to see each other after so long. We chatted a bit more and it's when he said, "I'm stepping up to the plate here and trying to make an effort to make this work" that I realized, she wasn't talking about Dan she was talking about Andy. I couldn't believe it. I told him that I couldn't see him, I just realized she was talking about him and not Dan. He understood but told me that he has been planning on meditating and cutting off social contact until after his birthday November 10th and that Sunday was his last day he could see me. Which means that the 2 days the psychic asked me not to see him would extend another 6 weeks or so.

Have you just ever felt fate fall into place? How the chain of events of me seeing the psychic and her telling me not to see him could change who knows what. I just know that I did the right thing not seeing him. I wonder what would have happened though if I had. What is my alternate course of events I'm preventing?