So I googled my name (don't ask) and found this link. People can buy shirts that say 'Micaela is NOT my friend'. So apparently someone with the same name as me (I'm assuming it's not about me!) has pissed someone off so much that they decided to have shirts available for those who hate her. That's kind of intense.
http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/item/micaela-is-not-my-friend-womens-long-sleeve-dark/132313963
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
I am High Fidelity
"People worry about kids playing with guns, and teenagers watching violent videos; we are scared that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands--literally thousands--of songs about broken hearts and rejection and pain and misery and loss. The unhappiest people I know, romantically speaking, are the ones who like pop music the most; and I don't know whether pop music has caused this unhappiness, but I do know that they've been listening to the sad songs longer than they've been living the unhappy lives."
I started reading High Fidelity yesterday. I have less than 50 pages to go. I highly recommend this book, especially to those who use music as a way of gauging your life and a way to express your current state of mind. I watched the movie years ago (I do love John Cusack) and I thought maybe I should read the book. I was surprised to know it's set in England; apart from that, the movie has done it justice actually. The title character, if you haven't seen the movie or read the book, makes compilation tapes whenever some event happens in his life. His girlfriend leaving him, meeting a new woman, whatever. And I realize I do this myself. I have a section of mix CDs that I used to make whenever I had some event happen to me. I have ones that I have made friends, ones that I have made for guys I liked, ones that I made when guys I like didn't like me, or upset me, or I stopped talking to someone, whatever you get the point.
Sometimes I like to pick up say the one I made when I was going to drive for the first time alone from Sacramento to Stockton. It was raining and I was terrified to drive that far by myself in such weather. Now it seems silly, it's a short distance and I made it fine. But I didn't know my way around and it feels like forever ago and not just 5 years. But it's filled with acoustic songs that I still love though haven't listened to in probably 4 1/2 years. I still make mix CDs, and play them over and over again until I make the next.
What really got me with the above paragraph is how close it hits home. I've been often told that I listen to the most depressing music. My mom often asks me why I like to make myself sad. But I don't see it this way. I am attracted to the passion and emotion that these songs possess, so what if they're sad? But has a lifetime of pop music attributed to the way I view relationships? During the past year, whenever I listen to my friends talk about boy or girl troubles, or whatever, I have to preface my advice or my perspective with a warning. I have come to realize that I'm rather jaded. Have events in my past attributed to this? Well of course they have! I've been lied to, cheated on, hurt, rejected, felt unloved, felt invisible...seeing relationships through my mothers eyes has left me convinced that unhealthy relationships are the norm.
But pop music has been my friend. My hope that there are people that love unconditionally and openly and freely. That would love me despite my craziness and jealousy and stubbornness, that would love me because of it on some level. And I embrace the sad songs because it's nice to know that other people hurt too. I cry along to Jeff Buckley's 'Hallelujah', Ani DiFranco's 'Done Wrong', The Wrecker's 'Cigarettes', Rachael Yamagata's 'Sunday Afternoon' or Kelly Clarkson's 'Sober'. I find it to be cathartic, not depressing. But has it added to me becoming so jaded?
I meet someone and they've sparked an interest in me and I suddenly become two different people. One is hopeful and excited and the other is negative and expects to be rejected. Don't want to get my hopes up because if it doesn't work out, how disappointing will that be? And in High Fidelity, the lead character basically tells his ex the same thing. He tells her he cheated on her because when he would lay in bed with her and feel absolute happiness he would panic and wonder how he would deal with losing her. He sabotaged his perfectly healthy relationship because he knew that they'd either break up or one of them would die. So what's the point in being happy when it will have to end? And in some sick way, I get that. I feel that way myself.
My mom called me and said her ex husband called and wanted to have lunch and she didn't know what she would do. I asked her if it was worth losing him again for a brief time of happiness with him, and she couldn't answer. Isn't that what it's all about? The question of, is it worth it to stick it out in relationships that are broken or dying if there's a chance that things could get back right again? Or should you just move on and look for something that works. Something that clicks. Do you hope the boy you just met and get butterflies when you think about, that he'll be worth it all one day. Will he be better than something dysfunctional now, could he be functional? Or is he simply a friend, or a transitional period in your life until you find the next boy that gives you butterflies?
Maybe I should learn to be more optimistic when it comes to matters of the heart. Who knows, maybe I give him butterflies too.
I started reading High Fidelity yesterday. I have less than 50 pages to go. I highly recommend this book, especially to those who use music as a way of gauging your life and a way to express your current state of mind. I watched the movie years ago (I do love John Cusack) and I thought maybe I should read the book. I was surprised to know it's set in England; apart from that, the movie has done it justice actually. The title character, if you haven't seen the movie or read the book, makes compilation tapes whenever some event happens in his life. His girlfriend leaving him, meeting a new woman, whatever. And I realize I do this myself. I have a section of mix CDs that I used to make whenever I had some event happen to me. I have ones that I have made friends, ones that I have made for guys I liked, ones that I made when guys I like didn't like me, or upset me, or I stopped talking to someone, whatever you get the point.
Sometimes I like to pick up say the one I made when I was going to drive for the first time alone from Sacramento to Stockton. It was raining and I was terrified to drive that far by myself in such weather. Now it seems silly, it's a short distance and I made it fine. But I didn't know my way around and it feels like forever ago and not just 5 years. But it's filled with acoustic songs that I still love though haven't listened to in probably 4 1/2 years. I still make mix CDs, and play them over and over again until I make the next.
What really got me with the above paragraph is how close it hits home. I've been often told that I listen to the most depressing music. My mom often asks me why I like to make myself sad. But I don't see it this way. I am attracted to the passion and emotion that these songs possess, so what if they're sad? But has a lifetime of pop music attributed to the way I view relationships? During the past year, whenever I listen to my friends talk about boy or girl troubles, or whatever, I have to preface my advice or my perspective with a warning. I have come to realize that I'm rather jaded. Have events in my past attributed to this? Well of course they have! I've been lied to, cheated on, hurt, rejected, felt unloved, felt invisible...seeing relationships through my mothers eyes has left me convinced that unhealthy relationships are the norm.
But pop music has been my friend. My hope that there are people that love unconditionally and openly and freely. That would love me despite my craziness and jealousy and stubbornness, that would love me because of it on some level. And I embrace the sad songs because it's nice to know that other people hurt too. I cry along to Jeff Buckley's 'Hallelujah', Ani DiFranco's 'Done Wrong', The Wrecker's 'Cigarettes', Rachael Yamagata's 'Sunday Afternoon' or Kelly Clarkson's 'Sober'. I find it to be cathartic, not depressing. But has it added to me becoming so jaded?
I meet someone and they've sparked an interest in me and I suddenly become two different people. One is hopeful and excited and the other is negative and expects to be rejected. Don't want to get my hopes up because if it doesn't work out, how disappointing will that be? And in High Fidelity, the lead character basically tells his ex the same thing. He tells her he cheated on her because when he would lay in bed with her and feel absolute happiness he would panic and wonder how he would deal with losing her. He sabotaged his perfectly healthy relationship because he knew that they'd either break up or one of them would die. So what's the point in being happy when it will have to end? And in some sick way, I get that. I feel that way myself.
My mom called me and said her ex husband called and wanted to have lunch and she didn't know what she would do. I asked her if it was worth losing him again for a brief time of happiness with him, and she couldn't answer. Isn't that what it's all about? The question of, is it worth it to stick it out in relationships that are broken or dying if there's a chance that things could get back right again? Or should you just move on and look for something that works. Something that clicks. Do you hope the boy you just met and get butterflies when you think about, that he'll be worth it all one day. Will he be better than something dysfunctional now, could he be functional? Or is he simply a friend, or a transitional period in your life until you find the next boy that gives you butterflies?
Maybe I should learn to be more optimistic when it comes to matters of the heart. Who knows, maybe I give him butterflies too.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
She Would Even Miss You if You Taught Her Sight
I like being social. Making new friends, getting to get to know someone from the start and whatnot. With changing jobs and going to the improv shows on Friday I feel like this bombardment of new people. Learning new names, new tidbits of information to keep in my head and remember the next time we see each other. It's been fun. I feel like I hadn't met a lot of new people in the past two years. I stayed at the same job with mostly the same people. I still have my core group of friends from high school. Not a lot of branching, that's all I'm saying.
Now that I work for a college, I've decided to take advantage of free classes and I've signed up for two. I chose both online courses as the thought of working from 9-6 and then staying an extra 3+ hours seems like the worse idea. Who knows though, I may change my mind next semester.
I'm taking a class on books that were adapted for movies. I'm excited as a lot of my favorite books have been made into movies. Which I will admit kind of irks me. I hate telling people that one of my favorite books is for instance, "House of Sand and Fog" and have them say, "Oh, like the movie?". No not like the movie, like the book, that was later turned into a movie. Although sometimes I will read the book after seeing a movie if I liked it enough. I digress. I have to reread Atonement, which was one of the saddest books I've ever read, so that should be fun. And Joy Luck Club! I have loved this movie since I was little and I've actually owned the book for awhile but never read it because I know how emotional it's going to be. But I guess I'll be delving in soon. The other class is a screen writing class. That'll be challenging. I've always been secretly interested in writing my own screenplay, but I'm completely intimidated by it.
I hope I haven't taken on too much. Working full time then two classes that apparently require at least 18+ hours a week. When do I get to sleep?
Now that I work for a college, I've decided to take advantage of free classes and I've signed up for two. I chose both online courses as the thought of working from 9-6 and then staying an extra 3+ hours seems like the worse idea. Who knows though, I may change my mind next semester.
I'm taking a class on books that were adapted for movies. I'm excited as a lot of my favorite books have been made into movies. Which I will admit kind of irks me. I hate telling people that one of my favorite books is for instance, "House of Sand and Fog" and have them say, "Oh, like the movie?". No not like the movie, like the book, that was later turned into a movie. Although sometimes I will read the book after seeing a movie if I liked it enough. I digress. I have to reread Atonement, which was one of the saddest books I've ever read, so that should be fun. And Joy Luck Club! I have loved this movie since I was little and I've actually owned the book for awhile but never read it because I know how emotional it's going to be. But I guess I'll be delving in soon. The other class is a screen writing class. That'll be challenging. I've always been secretly interested in writing my own screenplay, but I'm completely intimidated by it.
I hope I haven't taken on too much. Working full time then two classes that apparently require at least 18+ hours a week. When do I get to sleep?
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Oh I Wish I Could Live That Now
"My days are filled with mistakes
Some that I didn't make
I carry them around
Some people don't feel a thing
Some kind of blissful dream
Wish I could live that now
10,000 stones are hanging
deep in my heart
no I don't know how they
don't tear me apart
I've seen a lot in my life
When everything was crashing
I know that you got your plans
But I was only asking
I was never asking for"
How can not being honest with you be so much easier than being honest? Just a small taste of what I've been feeling, now all I feel is guilty.
Some that I didn't make
I carry them around
Some people don't feel a thing
Some kind of blissful dream
Wish I could live that now
10,000 stones are hanging
deep in my heart
no I don't know how they
don't tear me apart
I've seen a lot in my life
When everything was crashing
I know that you got your plans
But I was only asking
I was never asking for"
How can not being honest with you be so much easier than being honest? Just a small taste of what I've been feeling, now all I feel is guilty.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You
I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.
~Pablo Neruda
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.
~Pablo Neruda
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Say Something Funny, Say Something Sweet...
Have you ever had a problem controlling the words coming out of your mouth? I find that too often I say something and immediately regret it. Not that I didn't mean it, but I know that I probably shouldn't have said it. Too honest, at least my own view of honesty. And then there are those times that my insides are screaming what I SHOULD say, what would be warranted to say. But I sit there, silent. I think I regret more the things I don't say more than the stuff I shouldn't have said.
I'm thankful for a lot of things, some materialistic, some unneccessary, some ridiculous and some irreplaceable. Some are new things in my life, new people more specifically. I'm thankful for the time I get to spend in your presence, it's doing wonders for me if you didn't know.
I'm thankful for a lot of things, some materialistic, some unneccessary, some ridiculous and some irreplaceable. Some are new things in my life, new people more specifically. I'm thankful for the time I get to spend in your presence, it's doing wonders for me if you didn't know.
Details in the Fabric
Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up
If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
mmmhmm
Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything, everything will be fine
Everything
Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.
Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything
Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up
If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
mmmhmm
Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything, everything will be fine
Everything
Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.
Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything
Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing
Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold
Both dirty, both mean, yes and the dream was just the same
Haven't posted for almost 6 months. It's not that I've had nothing to say. I've started quite a few blog entries, only to close them out before posting them. I feel like my thoughts are jumbled, an incoherent mess. I can definitely say there are new things going on now since 6 months ago.
I left my last job, which was the best decision for me. I miss some of the people but I really do love my job now. Sure there are days when it's slow and I wish I had more to do, but they keep saying, "wait until summer's over, you'll be so busy. enjoy your time now" which both scares and excites me. I definitely look forward to that crazy busy stress high that I haven't had for a while.
The family could be better. I feel like everyone's struggling right now and I can't fix it and that's hard to accept. I worry about my mom and if she's okay, and I hate that she's sad. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with her sadness when I have my own.
I've been going to improv shows every week for the last month. It's been good to just have a couple hours of laughter in my life where I'm not worrying, overthinking, stressing, etc. It also makes me miss performing a hell of a lot.
I feel like there's more I want to say but I'm not ready. I started a blogspot journal but haven't posted anything yet, it's elaeuphoria.blogspot.com. It's the same user name as my live journal account as well. So that's it, hopefully I'll get better at posting more than bi-annually!
I left my last job, which was the best decision for me. I miss some of the people but I really do love my job now. Sure there are days when it's slow and I wish I had more to do, but they keep saying, "wait until summer's over, you'll be so busy. enjoy your time now" which both scares and excites me. I definitely look forward to that crazy busy stress high that I haven't had for a while.
The family could be better. I feel like everyone's struggling right now and I can't fix it and that's hard to accept. I worry about my mom and if she's okay, and I hate that she's sad. Sometimes I don't know how to deal with her sadness when I have my own.
I've been going to improv shows every week for the last month. It's been good to just have a couple hours of laughter in my life where I'm not worrying, overthinking, stressing, etc. It also makes me miss performing a hell of a lot.
I feel like there's more I want to say but I'm not ready. I started a blogspot journal but haven't posted anything yet, it's elaeuphoria.blogspot.com. It's the same user name as my live journal account as well. So that's it, hopefully I'll get better at posting more than bi-annually!
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